Jokes - Question & Answers

Answer: He nearly drown in his own tea pee.

Answer: Mycheexarphlexin

Answer: Matt

Answer: Jean-Luc Pickacard

Answer: A bullet doesn't miss Harambe

Answer: He was having a mid-life crisis

Answer: One shucks between fits...

Answer: Kevin Durant or Bernie Sanders?

Answer: Because the shark burped.

Answer: A bachelor will go to the fridge, sees nothing he wants, and go to bed A married man will go the bed, sees nothing he wants, and go the fridge!

Answer: Because the sentences usually end with periods.

Answer: Dimitree

Answer: Egg zactly!

Answer: A retail store.

Answer: One shucks between fits

Answer: He pulled a muscle

Answer: They eat whatever bugs them.

Answer: Press the red button.

Answer: I'd better not. You might get carried away.

Answer: Well then, you're a gay fish.

Answer: Let's just be cousins.

Answer: The Pizza doesn't scream when I put it in the oven.

Answer: Q: Why does Santa have three gardens? A: So he can "hoe, hoe, hoe."

Answer: Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.

Answer: They were yelling "Bach Bach Bach Bach"

Answer: A sunken chest with no booty.

Answer: Because attachments are forbidden.

Answer: I don't know either. It must be out-of-this-world.

Answer: The Rooster

Answer: They're both ready to eat you

Answer: I don't know. That's just the way it's spelled.

Answer: Slow down and apply lube

Answer: Never mind. you won't get it, and I won't care

Answer: Person 2:They're doctors, what do your parents do? 1: They beat me with pool sticks. 2: Oh, they must be really good at billiards.

Answer: Dragons, because they're always spittin' fire.

Answer: Leave my presents

Answer: Three wars

Answer: A receding line.

Answer: It isn't going cheep.

Answer: Black Lives Matter Edit1: No Im not targeting black people, or people with actual Down syndrome, just that group

Answer: Because he was outstanding in his field

Answer: 5 1 to hold the bulb and 4 to spin the ladder.

Answer: If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.

Answer: The Cis-Teen Chapel

Answer: A: That one in the middle thinks he's hard.

Answer: Your Guns N' Toeses I'll see myself out.

Answer: A: Sexually B: Sexually C: Sexually

Answer: Nun chucks.

Answer: He uses the finest ingredients.

Answer: The Orange has thick skin and people actually like it.

Answer: He heard it was a great line of work.

Answer: Its hard

Answer: She's a transparent.

Answer: Goes to a retail store to find another one.

Answer: They have to give the donkey a break.

Answer: Sure, we've sold it to royalty Princesses? Mate, it prints ALL the letters!

Answer: It had connections.

Answer: Huge Jackman

Answer: No hard feelings.

Answer: They're making headlines everywhere.

Answer: Well, it's hard to even count, I will just give you a range of about how many. The range is <1.

Answer: Christopher Walken

Answer: If it doesn't make you look smart, it's blunt.

Answer: They always take things literally.

Answer: Cancer evolves, a Brazilian doesn't.

Answer: Eggs actually get laid.

Answer: An Aflacco

Answer: Too Mennonite

Answer: Nothing

Answer: No Beef Stew at all

Answer: Thanks for the gold!

Answer: They both said they were just going to the store

Answer: Can't we just let Argonne's be Argonne's?

Answer: They don't. They just beat the room for being black.

Answer: A wet nose

Answer: Slippers

Answer: I don't even like pegging.

Answer: Where's my tractor?

Answer: Redditors can’t take a joke.

Answer: Finding a place to put the wheelchairs.

Answer: Fart

Answer: Kia Kia Kia

Answer: Deer Nuts. Beer Nuts are $1.49, while Deer nuts are under a Buck!

Answer: The swallow.

Answer: A Hippo is heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter.

Answer: But Kuwait, there's more!

Answer: Tony

Answer: He got AIIIIIDS.

Answer: Give him a tampon and ask what period its from.

Answer: The airline didn't allow carrion luggage.

Answer: They don't like getting sand in their crack.

Answer: I hear it's the prequel to Maroon 5.

Answer: The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.

Answer: Troll husband : It kinda is, ill adjust the AC.

Answer: Dave promptly burst into tears as not everyone in the world knew Dave.

Answer: Makkah-roni and cheese!

Answer: G- Pretty well, Do you want me to walk you back? B- walk me back? G- to the friendzone you just tried to escape.

Answer: Their ankles

Answer: Because it has a little Seoul in it.

Answer: Boba Fat

Answer: Damn it.

Answer: So the can finally have a good Olympic team.

Answer: Easy! Just add Root beer and Ice Cream!

Answer: No harem, no fowl.

Answer: It took the bus.

Answer: He got caught by the organ

Answer: Copper Nitrate.

Answer: Cause Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 10% off.

Answer: To beat the crowd

Answer: Nothing, he's Snowden.

Answer: Because boob jobs are cheaper down under.

Answer: "YUUUUUGEE"

Answer: Hay,I thought you knew horses couldn't speak!

Answer: Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once.

Answer: To get to the other side.

Answer: We gotta hold this shit together.

Answer: The answer may shock you.

Answer: It's because it has chickpea in it.

Answer: Synthia Lmao

Answer: Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me".

Answer: The Cowboys

Answer: A Quebrolet.

Answer: A frothel

Answer: poop.

Answer: A runner in scoring position.

Answer: He joins AARP

Answer: no one knows it was too dark to see them.

Answer: They found him dead the next day in his teepee

Answer: Bare Grylls

Answer: It's like butter, baby.

Answer: To get to your house... Knock, knock. Who's there? The chicken.

Answer: I drew drew

Answer: A snowfake I thought it was appropriate for this time of year. Merry Christmas reddit! You have my permission to tell this at any Xmas parties you attend

Answer: A snailor

Answer: He took a forrest dump.

Answer: a play on warts

Answer: One, or two? One, or two?

Answer: Mick: I wish I were Incredibly wealthy! Genie: You were incredibly wealthy. Mick: No you imbecile, I wish I WAS RICH Genie: You are Rich Rich: Well that backfired but... Genie: ...but a deal is a deal and you promised to use your third wish to set me fre.. Rich: I WISH GENIE WAS HUMAN!

Answer: A school bus full of black people driving off a cliff

Answer: Patty

Answer: Business acumen

Answer: Earth wind and fire

Answer: An algo-rhythm

Answer: Oartism

Answer: Plagiarism

Answer: ME: There isn’t a drive through in town WIFE: There is now

Answer: Snotzis.

Answer: Two. One guy to screw in the light bulb, and the other guy to shoot him if he doesn't do it right.

Answer: He was having a midlife crisis.

Answer: It's okay, he woke up.

Answer: Ghandi Floss!

Answer: mitosis.

Answer: When it turns into a driveway.

Answer: The outside.

Answer: When you see really nice ones, you have to ask if they are real or fake

Answer: Burning rubber

Answer: There is no cod

Answer: A philosophy student asks you you want fries with that

Answer: Everywhere.

Answer: Its a part Tide

Answer: Quack cocaine

Answer: With a Sandy Hook

Answer: They're blowing up everyone's newsfeed

Answer: It was a Thai.

Answer: A thot.

Answer: Neither. I have a friend who works in computers.

Answer: Because guitars make music.

Answer: The dog has the mental fortitude to realize he's just gotten owned by a Russian.

Answer: Let's see those Naboobies.

Answer: Jupiter

Answer: Beef jerky What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef

Answer: FeO

Answer: He felt his presents.

Answer: Namastè (nah-ima-stay)

Answer: Which side of the gas chamber they're on.

Answer: A pine clone

Answer: Lucas gets indicted after video surfaces of him tampering with previous decisions he made.

Answer: One goes "ribbit ribbit", the other goes "rub it rub it".

Answer: I wouldn't pay £50 to have a lentil on my face...

Answer: Children don't throw tantrums when there's a rerun of some content.

Answer: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.

Answer: None. That's a hardware problem.

Answer: Wipe it off and apologise

Answer: An astronaut.

Answer: Pay for the pizza!

Answer: It doesn't want anyone to find The Cure.

Answer: Square Root. Anything it is applied to becomes radicalized.

Answer: Because after the first kill, they have to tell someone.

Answer: With dental floss.

Answer: Give it ten tickles

Answer: Because they can't make a fist.

Answer: They're all Renaissance Italian artists.

Answer: A stick.

Answer: A bicyclist

Answer: Wing it.

Answer: Whenever you go out to eat they always have the bill.

Answer: I don't know Anne Frankly I don't care.

Answer: Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.

Answer: How they process things.

Answer: They are always taking off.

Answer: Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't 10% off.

Answer: An air mattress.

Answer: m'ladium

Answer: The buuttt-lerrr!

Answer: Nark Nark

Answer: See if she'll perform black magic.

Answer: On the range

Answer: Because they were super horny.

Answer: (Interrupting the whos there) Penny!

Answer: He was lucky it was a soft drink

Answer: Its called the greyscale

Answer: It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

Answer: He uses the best ingredients.

Answer: You have to chew before you swallow!

Answer: Because he can't even get arrested in Hollywood.

Answer: Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.

Answer: I would tell you.... But I don't compare apples to oranges.

Answer: Where you left it

Answer: Christian Bale.

Answer: Clickbait.

Answer: Pregame.

Answer: As mushroom as possible

Answer: Black lives matter.

Answer: The winner gets $3 a year for a million years."

Answer: "Carmen. Well, actually, my name is Laura, but since I like cars and men so much...Car-men. What is yours?" "Beerpussy"

Answer: Because their knee grows.

Answer: Is it because it's a joke by itself or what.

Answer: He flushed.

Answer: You don't??? We should have lunch sometime!

Answer: "You're dead to me"

Answer: A meaty whore.

Answer: Patient: Yes doctor, how do you know? Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

Answer: Because....there is no spoon.

Answer: It was counter productive.

Answer: An impeach.

Answer: Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a swimming pool.

Answer: Ex-Benedict.

Answer: A flat.

Answer: Coke addicts.

Answer: They're always rebooting.

Answer: Because of the tele-ban.

Answer: What did the elephant say when it was pulled out of a pit by the Balls? Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Ball!

Answer: A brick.

Answer: Two Girls were sitting at a club. One was ugly and the another one was beautiful. Dave walked straight to the ugly girl. Dave: Hello! Ugly girl: Hi!! Dave: Wanna dance? Ugly Girl: Yes (excited) Dave: OK, Go and dance. I wanna talk to your friend.

Answer: They both come out of little boys rooms with empty sacks.

Answer: Mustard in a rollerskate

Answer: Because it's Lit!

Answer: Linoleum Blownapart

Answer: Neither did she.

Answer: Copypasta

Answer: One leg is both the same.

Answer: It's time consuming.

Answer: Because the land never waves back

Answer: if You had 100 periods a second you would vibrate too.

Answer: Then you better go catch it!

Answer: I wasn't talking to you.

Answer: Pasture bedtime.

Answer: Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. But we are going to change it.

Answer: "Nice belt."

Answer: Absolute zero, because it's impossible to reach

Answer: "Yoda, are we still going the right way?" "Off course we are"

Answer: Jew-ish.

Answer: A raceist

Answer: A paraplegic

Answer: Because there's no L.

Answer: We're unsure, but he has a nose for it.

Answer: They both literally can't even

Answer: The only improvement you can make is getting undressed.

Answer: Because Dec 25 = Oct 31

Answer: A trifle!

Answer: The Holocaust.

Answer: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

Answer: Well if he paints one of his bedroom walls red with some yellow stars or a hammer and sickle, that's a huge red flag.

Answer: Autobots Roll Out!

Answer: It's white and it's on their land.

Answer: She forgot to wear a seatbelt.

Answer: "The real joke is always in the comments!"

Answer: He was far out man. -_-

Answer: onejina

Answer: Always tip your server.

Answer: They've only gotta invite one family

Answer: A drone

Answer: Because: Camilla Parker Bowles.

Answer: The remaining 4 letters are still waiting for their turn.

Answer: They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Answer: Because they are all Targets.

Answer: None 'cause it's already lit, fam.

Answer: Mr.President

Answer: Because I've "reddit" before

Answer: Its easy to break the little light inside them.

Answer: Nails in their hands and feet

Answer: One if nobody's looking.

Answer: Answer is 2. One to change the lightbulb while the other screams "REPOST"

Answer: Neither can finish a race.

Answer: Two pigs playing in the mud

Answer: A Dell

Answer: A bird watcher.

Answer: He was stuffed.

Answer: Because the they have an excuse to buy hose

Answer: A messed up system of karma

Answer: I've never had a garbanzo pea on my face.

Answer: Never mind, it’s tearable.

Answer: A FEline.

Answer: Qui-Gon Gin.

Answer: Why are you shaking? She's gonna eat me.

Answer: Ray Lewis

Answer: He de-deuces.

Answer: Snoop Dogg.

Answer: Biden: I hid them from Trump because he won't need them. He already has his own Obama: Oh really? How do you know? Biden: Seriously, I'm not lying. Trust me, he has his own Pence

Answer: "Nurse, let me take a Pikachu."

Answer: It's really nummy.

Answer: Because Christ Brown always beats her

Answer: Spartify

Answer: A Microwave.

Answer: They are always bringing up old shit

Answer: I asked him and he said, "I still love vista, baby!"

Answer: They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.

Answer: A thief in the knight

Answer: Don't be silly, feminists can't change anything!

Answer: A whole chuck-load.

Answer: Because there was a glass ceiling.

Answer: Pyfagoras

Answer: Have your mom sit down on a golf course.

Answer: Getting hit on by an ugly stranger.

Answer: -Because they cast Amy Schumer and Ken couldn't get the job done.

Answer: Because she had no arms

Answer: CryptoN Only few will get this

Answer: Because he was a fungi

Answer: To render the other side.

Answer: Philately will get you no where.

Answer: He becomes disoriental

Answer: Ash

Answer: "Top notch".

Answer: "Honesty." "I don't think honesty is a weakness." "Well I don't give a damn about what think."

Answer: Cause I want to lay some pipe in you.

Answer: Ones really heavy, and the other's a little lighter!

Answer: The 7th German Panzer Division

Answer: Because Jesus Christ (Cries)

Answer: Not enough.

Answer: Because they use the Theory of Relativity to find a partner.

Answer: Israeli good..

Answer: A pot roast

Answer: There used to be exactly two, and now it's too offensive to talk about.

Answer: Much like that one book, Old Yeller, it's pretty damn hard to put down.

Answer: And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Answer: aww-tistic

Answer: Because he was Legolas.

Answer: Because its high jacking.

Answer: Because they can only mandate.

Answer: Because he's dead.

Answer: we will bury him.

Answer: Claustrophobic

Answer: No cocks allowed.

Answer: I don't know, they would probably die anyways.

Answer: Why did the detective go to the apartment complex? So he could solve the staircase.

Answer: To get some quack

Answer: You ask him politely.

Answer: He could not pass

Answer: Well now you have.

Answer: They prevented hispanic attacks

Answer: Because he doesn't like being followed.

Answer: On the left side there's nothing right and on the right side there's nothing left...

Answer: It's very time consuming.

Answer: It's called divorced barbie. Comes with all of Kens stuff.

Answer: An asshole, for marrying the hot sister

Answer: Nun.

Answer: Him: Is your dad a gardner? Her: (sarcastically) - Why, because you've never seen a flower like me? Him: No, I wondered if you trim your bush.

Answer: Myth-conception

Answer: Why did the animal shelter relocate to Nebraska? So they could make corn dogs.

Answer: Where’s pop corn?

Answer: "Keep the tip."

Answer: He had Gaul stones.

Answer: Hebrews it.

Answer: A constipatient

Answer: Malnourished.

Answer: Karma & Greg

Answer: Santa goes down the chimney.

Answer: ... Because they got big fingers.

Answer: They don't C#.

Answer: None, he lets the knives do the work

Answer: they were looking for Klingons

Answer: A lion. Get it guys lol? Lion ~ Lying I'll pounce myself out now...

Answer: He wanted to transcend dental medication

Answer: Parma Jean

Answer: Times Niurou Mian (Niurou Mian = beef noodles in Chinese)

Answer: Nah, it's just a phase. Credit to for the entire premise, I just reworded it.

Answer: Because he's .

Answer: Washed up.

Answer: They get free two-day shipping.

Answer: Doctor: Yes you can, but there are more comfortable places.

Answer: None. They just beat the room, because it's black.

Answer: Because every time they get to 69, Miss Piggy gets a frog in her throat.

Answer: It would've just been "mas".

Answer: Like that.

Answer: A Catholitic Converter

Answer: When Islam begins.

Answer: Pardon me

Answer: They can't. There's a wall.

Answer: They're both made of plastic, and little kids turn them on.

Answer: Put it through the Wash.

Answer: Talibanter

Answer: Tickle the goat under it's chin.

Answer: An ambulance.

Answer: Chips, one byte at a time

Answer: I came, I upvoted, I reposted.

Answer: Give her a testicle.

Answer: When the joke is fully groan.

Answer: A: To get to the second hand shop.

Answer: "You're alt right, You're alt right, You're alt right"

Answer: My name is Paul.

Answer: Because Seven was a registered six offender.

Answer: They have a hard time opening up

Answer: Q: What do computers eat for a snack? A: Microchips!

Answer: JOKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Answer: Disabled.

Answer: Nobody died...

Answer: ∫F dt bich

Answer: Natural selection.

Answer: Beat it. We’re closed.

Answer: I ship them

Answer: To stop getting confused as feminists

Answer: No lye?

Answer: Because of their bills

Answer: A: Yes. And she's Black. —-------—-------—------— imo: best joke ever

Answer: Yeah! I'm hoping I either get Kappa Kappa Gamma or Alpha Phi!

Answer: He is alright, but one sided!

Answer: A civil serpent

Answer: well it wanted to get away from the vegetarians.

Answer: Lickalatapus

Answer: "Will the defendant please rise."

Answer: In a pear-less whisper. I'll see myself out.

Answer: None, they prefer to live in the dark.

Answer: It was a terminal illness.

Answer: If not, you will soon!

Answer: Dear Sir/Ma'am, We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

Answer: Edward Snowed-in

Answer: The T.H. sea

Answer: Throw some Titanium Chloride at him/her (TiCl) (Tickle)

Answer: Carbon, Oxygen, Nitrogen, Iron and Titanium (C,O,N,Fe,Ti)

Answer: Punchlines that got married and settled down.

Answer: A Belaruse!

Answer: a sourkraut

Answer: Someone pushed her

Answer: He was impeached

Answer: Duh. Cause he's da foe.

Answer: Place a penny between two Jews.

Answer: The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Answer: If it's pasturize

Answer: His life improved after he met the rock.

Answer: Their wheelchairs

Answer: Pilot.

Answer: Brazilian soccer players.

Answer: My ass.

Answer: Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!

Answer: Because by the time women found a condom in their purses, kid would be 3 years old

Answer: You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit

Answer: Putin end to my life.

Answer: Because I would like to manage my mischief with you

Answer: Because Y so serious

Answer: Make up the other half of this pickup line in the comments. Edit Totally goofed it up in the title. Oh well, I had a few drinks last night and things happened. *Are your legs broken?

Answer: Now I've got to cut you.

Answer: SPEEEED!

Answer: Ask them what a 3Ds is.

Answer: Because Jesus couldn't find any wise men then Edit: Made more clear

Answer: Stroganoff

Answer: Someone doing a half-assed job.

Answer: His punches Neverland.

Answer: He got hit by a car. He was playing On The Road Again.

Answer: Noels

Answer: It's only whites.

Answer: A stick.

Answer: Telling your parents that you're gay.

Answer: A Coke-o-nut.

Answer: A jeweler sells watches and a jailer watches cells

Answer: An elephant with a wet boot

Answer: Where you put the cucumber.

Answer: A shopping bag can carry a child.

Answer: Because their ring doesn't leave a tan line when they take it off!

Answer: A ripoff

Answer: because his wife died.

Answer: Christina Ricci.

Answer: Quidditching

Answer: The thoooperintendent.

Answer: They easily get bent out of shape...

Answer: A joke.

Answer: They are both bad at pulling out.

Answer: They both need to check the table periodically...

Answer: A rip off

Answer: Give the criminals badges.

Answer: The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. [OC]

Answer: To get to the other side

Answer: Woman: Yeah, sure! . Man: Great, go and dance, I want your Chair.

Answer: Morning wood.

Answer: How did you get his tiny little legs open?

Answer: Lincoln, because he is in a cent.

Answer: No-Shit Sherlock

Answer: Because they are really good at it

Answer: Because seven "ate" nine.

Answer: He had a Yeez-ynfection.

Answer: Just take some steps to avoid them!

Answer: Rando Calrissians

Answer: A bellybutton!

Answer: Because it's the scenter!

Answer: Close the door! I'm dressing!

Answer: They'll always have dry wood on hand to start a fire

Answer: Rrrrrrrr? You think it be R but it be sea

Answer: flip it upside down

Answer: His voice line becomes "It's high mooooon"

Answer: Bison

Answer: "Fuck Starbucks! Amirite?!"

Answer: Because they are always a little behind

Answer: [THIS IS NOT A JOKE] I'm sure you all have heard the joke where has a number for each joke and that everyone just remembers the numbers instead for typing out the jokes. This always made me think "What would joke #1 be?" What do you think it'd be?

Answer: Some one who likes Cold Play

Answer: One benefits from laughs and the other laughs at benefits

Answer: Pain specialists

Answer: A Kaiju.

Answer: Urethra Franklin

Answer: Tea tea

Answer: Never 21

Answer: Because it was too chicken!

Answer: Timber

Answer: Boo's.

Answer: Aretha Franklins

Answer: I'll actually look for the Jack Daniels.

Answer: "Olive or twist?"

Answer: Liquor in the front, poker in the back.

Answer: It was just the two of them.

Answer: He likes to keep it Handy. * * * 'Stand' by for more body part puns.

Answer: Steel armour

Answer: The Roman Umpire.

Answer: If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

Answer: Don't be depressed

Answer: You get in the car and they already know your name and where you live.

Answer: Pout-ry farm..

Answer: "Jewish." But then you said, "Yes I do wish for that." The salesman realizing how wrong he's been all his life replied, "Wow Jews can be funny." But then you said, "No, I take 'shoes' seriously. That's why I want those Crocs." The conversation went on for another 5 minutes because you had nothing better to do. Eventually you held up one of the shoes and asked the salesman, "Is this really authentic?" The salesman went onto Reddit, read this joke, and said, "Yes, this is a real crock alright."

Answer: A grumpa.

Answer: You have to go to bed early.

Answer: Undoing the straps on your roller blades

Answer: "We're Finnished."

Answer: When he found out, Santa shouldn't have gotten mad, he only had his elf to blame. Now Santa won't forgive him until elf freezes over.

Answer: A blue slipper

Answer: "I think we should see other peepholes."

Answer: Because it was stationary.

Answer: "He did gnat see that coming"

Answer: A chicken

Answer: After 30 minutes of trying to decipher the text he gave up and exclaimed, "Man I am not good at this". Then someone shouted back "Huh, I thought black people were good at basketball."

Answer: Cause the seaweed

Answer: Because the prick's behind the wheel

Answer: Eyyyy, Garry, didn't know you turned into a hotdog stand too! Eyyyy!

Answer: They are sweeping the nation with it!

Answer: M'alady

Answer: Because he's got a lot of melon-in.

Answer: Jewbs

Answer: Ah Jew!

Answer: "Get in the car"

Answer: Because they can.

Answer: A fruitkike!

Answer: He stays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

Answer: Partners in crime

Answer: You don't, because cows don't have phones.

Answer: They always got him to raise the roof.

Answer: The Big Foreplay.

Answer: Toni

Answer: It helps you hide and Sikh.

Answer: He comes but once a year.

Answer: Adobe-wan Kenobi

Answer: The one smoking the cigarette.

Answer: The bikings.

Answer: Skinning the vegan.

Answer: This morning I used a discount card from my wallet, but it was no good. I only got 20% off.

Answer: "Don't worry, son; we Katz always land on our feet."

Answer: A rebell

Answer: Canadians like them both a lot eh?

Answer: lettuce turnip the beet

Answer: Depending what you're charged with can really effect how easily you're getting across.

Answer: Olive. EDIT: Please don't explain and let those suffer who don't understand

Answer: Hitler was elected.

Answer: See you next month.

Answer: Because everytime theres a Hoedown, they think one of their sisters got shot.

Answer: The Significant Others just want babies.

Answer: A stick!

Answer: It bit the end off a submarine and sucked out all the seamen

Answer: A VegitAryan This has nothing to with the current political climate. I work with several vegetarians and we were talking about food today and it the joke just hit me.

Answer: A Chinese phone. Wing wing, hallo?

Answer: Honestly, I think they're pretty tight!

Answer: My jokes go right over most people's head.

Answer: Throw it in water If it sinks = girl ant If it floats = buoyant

Answer: Tsunami

Answer: konnichihuahua!

Answer: A dictator.

Answer: Because he takes it for granite.

Answer: Because it's white and settles on their land

Answer: There's a snape in the grass.

Answer: 4 if you have a dog.

Answer: there's a clock on the stove

Answer: Arfson

Answer: It's a dead giveaway.

Answer: Satisfaction

Answer: They were afraid of Stalin'

Answer: They keep making 6-pointers.

Answer: Because your face looks flushed.

Answer: Denim-denim-denim... denim-denim-denim.

Answer: Gobi yourself

Answer: Last I heard, they were really taking off.

Answer: I named him Justin... Justin Case

Answer: They are both controlled by little green men.

Answer: A plane bagel.

Answer: They shut down because they had a toxic atmosphere

Answer: He had a reptile dysfunction.

Answer: One has standards.

Answer: With a culator

Answer: I'm one in a million. ;D

Answer: Because they always take a fence

Answer: It drove up a lane and turned into a field!

Answer: Sharts.

Answer: Cause all I heard from your Hospital Room was "HO HO HO"

Answer: She takes contraceptives.

Answer: He was outstanding in his field.

Answer: Avengers Assemble.

Answer: There are no experienced ones

Answer: Incorrectly. I'll see myself out.

Answer: He had to go to the dentist for serious plaque buildup!

Answer: Meow Zedong

Answer: A cold wall banker.

Answer: Peaking duck!

Answer: It said: two eggs I said: Oh strange! It said: what's strange? the fact that I lay two eggs? I said: no, the fact that you talk

Answer: Terrible!

Answer: The drummer is drooling equally out of both sides of his mouth.

Answer: The bond market crashed.

Answer: They ribbit

Answer: Hebrews it

Answer: Sparky

Answer: A Veteran Aryan Veterinarian!

Answer: Fern-iture

Answer: Because you're on fire right now.

Answer: Om-lit

Answer: They're making headlines.

Answer: Because without them, they'd just be cauc.

Answer: He was more of an Ubermensch.

Answer: In the L Ron cupboard.

Answer: HAmAr + SiCl

Answer: Ground beef

Answer: That's right, a black eye and my hatred.

Answer: by Willie Makit, illustrated by Betty Wont and published by Andy Dint

Answer: Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

Answer: Saggitaurus.

Answer: The wheel chair

Answer: He fingered a minor.

Answer: The alpha ale.

Answer: It was occupied.

Answer: Because I'd like to show you menards.

Answer: because she couldn't control her pupils

Answer: They use a sea lion.

Answer: A cruise

Answer: So... Can I come inside?

Answer: Osteoferocious!

Answer: A Timbyte

Answer: Through sine language.

Answer: Funny how nature do dat

Answer: TZZZZAT, TZZZZZZZAT!

Answer: Paper tits.

Answer: Both are great things ruined by periods

Answer: Because he's a pervert that likes showing people his snowballs.

Answer: Having tits, and no girlfriend.

Answer: A ripoff.

Answer: I mean... what part of Chief Editing Officer don't these people understand?

Answer: he did nazi that well

Answer: AI (Artificial Intelligence)

Answer: You get some Kurds in the way.

Answer: Shake n bake

Answer: You give the pen to michel j fox

Answer: Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

Answer: Cumin Beans

Answer: Everyone misses Harambe.

Answer: because Ken always came in another box.

Answer: Decalfeinated

Answer: Torque

Answer: Their age.

Answer: My girlfriend

Answer: Dans un bon-apartement.

Answer: High Five

Answer: Timing

Answer: A WWI soldier has a reason for shooting himself in the foot.

Answer: My dad didn't meet my mom at a circus or take me their when I turned 5

Answer: A baked potato

Answer: Their job is to make things whiter.

Answer: When one appears.

Answer: SKU me

Answer: The democrats just left a bad taste in her mouth

Answer: Upvote pictures

Answer: Jesus died on the cross

Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

Answer: It over swept

Answer: He can't drive 55.

Answer: The Imperial March

Answer: Coma, Coma, Coma, Coma, Coma, Chameleon

Answer: Because it lasts forever.

Answer: Lukewarm.

Answer: A neck-romancer

Answer: Won ton

Answer: One wears pants and a collar while the other wears a collar and pants.

Answer: Yes, Harry, he is.

Answer: You get repercussions

Answer: Amble in (Anne Boyeyn) I made this joke up and am very proud of it :)

Answer: No, he just whips it out.

Answer: They Munch on some Flesh Mint!

Answer: Nothing, they were both stuck up cunts.

Answer: Toulouse

Answer: Because they bred.

Answer: Yes, I'm adamant

Answer: The pro bono ones

Answer: "Any-cock'll-doooooo!"

Answer: Subwhey.

Answer: A redditor

Answer: Because he played with fire before it was cool.

Answer: An oxymoron.

Answer: It was pretty !

Answer: I wouldn't pay $300 to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth

Answer: That they are full of poo-tential.

Answer: Tennish

Answer: Clouds, because once they are gone it's a beautiful day.

Answer: Q: How come legacy programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused? A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25 (Octal 31 = Decimal 25)

Answer: He couldn't HEIL a cab.

Answer: Naomi Watts.

Answer: Neither did I.

Answer: His heart wasn't in it.

Answer: Because he khan.

Answer: "I still find you dashing"

Answer: They pump kin.

Answer: "Take me to your lieder!"

Answer: None. There are no fish under my new gazebo

Answer: Torque

Answer: The marathon runner can successfully finish a race

Answer: Heairs.

Answer: Both have panties half-off.

Answer: Well, the flag's a big plus

Answer: He told them he would be "fourthreich" and they misheard.

Answer: I just want to belong

Answer: They both hate globalists.

Answer: Not counting the bombs strapped to their chests, I have no clue.

Answer: Lucky

Answer: Gotham City.

Answer: You get milk.

Answer: Angus McCoatup

Answer: A field of corn.

Answer: Because they lactose.

Answer: "See you next month"

Answer: Overtime.

Answer: Sooner or later they find a potent cousin.

Answer: It's sweeping the nation

Answer: 6 3 to change the bulb, 2 to explain why men have always done it wrong and 1 on her period.

Answer: sqwerty

Answer: virgin

Answer: Thirdperson.

Answer: I'm asking for an imaginary friend.

Answer: Harambe tried to save the kids.

Answer: To get his quarterback.

Answer: In a communest (pls

Answer: He didn't even finish grad school.

Answer: The bludgeoned face of a bi racial man in 2017 america.

Answer: Scientist2: NaBrO

Answer: A chip monk.

Answer: Because he has wee legs

Answer: I've heard it's pretty lit.

Answer: A little over 6 books.

Answer: Nothing. They're both crustacians.

Answer: The pickpocket snatches watches...

Answer: It goes back four seconds.

Answer: After five years, your job will still suck.

Answer: 9/11 victims. They got through over 40 stories in seconds.

Answer: A small medium at large.

Answer: A voice.

Answer: . . . . He saw his gas bill.

Answer: The Brains of Castamere.

Answer: He had a blast.

Answer: When it's circumcised

Answer: "Fuck you" (They were arch enemies)

Answer: With Frodough.

Answer: In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Answer: They're always plotting against it.

Answer: An excavator. And why? Because it only got one arm.

Answer: She was a nein out of ten

Answer: You take the 'F' out of free and the 'F' out of way. Hint: say everything out loud.

Answer: Pollygone

Answer: The higher they are, the more spaced out they get

Answer: His wheelchair.

Answer: He has .

Answer: A+ because it's the highes you can get in a blood test.

Answer: A treaty.

Answer: The rasit!

Answer: To run their hands through their hair

Answer: For planning high trees, son.

Answer: A lot. There were 3 movies.

Answer: Cause ketchup accidentally broke the condiment.

Answer: A wheezing angle.

Answer: Darth Deciduous

Answer: Jack Daniels is still killing American Indians

Answer: Not being retarded

Answer: Ash

Answer: A pizza joint

Answer: Call 911, it doesn't matter who answers

Answer: Because the government cuts corners.

Answer: Because 7 ate 9

Answer: The refrigerator does not fart when Joe pulls his meat out.

Answer: Me. I'm pretty clumsy so I get paper cuts pretty regularly.

Answer: Because she was too small for D shells.

Answer: A YAAAARRRRGGGG!! Oh look a door.

Answer: Depresso.

Answer: The husband.

Answer: Hungry.

Answer: His cousin with the DVD player

Answer: Daisy me rollin. They hatin. Patrollin and tryna catch me ridin dirty.

Answer: A woman

Answer: Eliphino

Answer: [deleted]

Answer: Sitcoms

Answer: Circumcision.

Answer: Ten-ticles!!!

Answer: A copy of everything Michelle Obama had on her list

Answer: Anything you like, what are they going to do about it?

Answer: "You gotta Mufasa"

Answer: Minnesota.

Answer: Because it keeps Peein' n peein'

Answer: It wears an aqua-fur.

Answer: Hulk ash!

Answer: There, their, they're...

Answer: I have sex daily

Answer: The black man is black from the beginning.

Answer: Two, and often from the same person.

Answer: Martin. We all know Martin Luther King.

Answer: A Communist

Answer: Nothing. They haven't met yet.

Answer: A shitty-sore-ass.

Answer: They're alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

Answer: Green paint. Haha

Answer: White people actually go to school. Black people stay home and shoot people in their own neighborhood.

Answer: Smashed potatoes.

Answer: A peacunt

Answer: One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

Answer: CucumBARS.

Answer: A small child paralyzed from the waist up.

Answer: Only 1 in 52 Fridays are black.

Answer: I turned the TV off 4 hours into it and I'd really like to watch the start of the Lions game before I goto bed.

Answer: Vladimir Puttin'

Answer: One can shoot but can't hit and the other one can hoot but can't shit.

Answer: The taste.

Answer: Steven Hawking with a brake failure!

Answer: A deport-a-potty.

Answer: A receding hareline.

Answer: A gobblin. I'll see myself out...

Answer: A plain bagel.

Answer: When she clearly loves fucking a whole country at once with the world watching.

Answer: Command Alt Right.

Answer: Hubble, hubble, hubble [shamelessly stolen joke from the Facebook page of "Grammarly"]

Answer: One shucks between fits...

Answer: Their only hit was Don't Stop Bereaving.

Answer: No, not "breathe, you idiot!". It said nothing. It just let out a little grape juice

Answer: A-social media

Answer: Isfaek.

Answer: Because they don't like Turkey

Answer: If so, chances are you haven't had Mexican food before.

Answer: I've never been inside a Porsche. Nor do I have 12 Porsches in my garage.

Answer: A Rolls-Royce.

Answer: Tell her about how much better at sex her fit friends are!

Answer: You can't fire me! I snappopcrackleaaaaaargh!!!!

Answer: They always punch up the fuckline.

Answer: One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!

Answer: Because you're a jerk.

Answer: With a mop.

Answer: You stick a piece of bread on the ceiling.

Answer: He's getting really fed up with it.

Answer: Purples

Answer: God save the kin Happy Thanksgiving!

Answer: Nothing they are both Thor.

Answer: The golfer goes "Shit!" The Sky-diver goes "Shit!"

Answer: Friend: 9 Me: 9? I'll give her one..

Answer: Keeping a straight face

Answer: Because nine ate seven

Answer: Treason

Answer: Alkaline

Answer: One baby nailed to 10 trees...

Answer: A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Answer: Gender fluid.

Answer: God dogs

Answer: A Pokémon.

Answer: Pitt Sweat

Answer: Harpoon

Answer: I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

Answer: The wheelchair...

Answer: They're mostly Dum Dums.

Answer: Trump is.

Answer: There used to be two of them, but now it's too offensive to talk about.

Answer: Danksgiving.

Answer: A Yambourghini!

Answer: BOObees!

Answer: Neither. France surrenders and Italy switches sides.

Answer: Synonym rolls.

Answer: Motherzucker

Answer: Gonna take a while to get me hard, I just got laid by a chick.

Answer: None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

Answer: Because I want to put my dirty load in you

Answer: Vaginasaurass

Answer: No? That's because it hadn't come out yet.

Answer: Because blacks always get a longer sentence

Answer: It had new windows Putin

Answer: About the cannibal that dumped his girlfriend?...

Answer: Bi den!

Answer: Sia , Later!

Answer: Middle school.

Answer: A blackmailer. I'll show myself out :(.

Answer: I'm really sodie pop.

Answer: Windows

Answer: When your toothbrush stops working mid brushing

Answer: Konichihuahua

Answer: I'll tell you tomorrow.

Answer: Because they'll just tell the crowd that the real joke's in the comments.

Answer: A M'alady.

Answer: Blonds will split hairs over this. Imagine that.. vibrating hair.

Answer: They found her Head & Shoulders under the steering wheel!

Answer: In hiney-sight.

Answer: Velcro

Answer: They haven't any gigs yet!

Answer: SUPPLIES!

Answer: Not sure, but that is definitely the smell of burning flesh.

Answer: In little knotsies....

Answer: I don't know, but I wanna try eating ass!

Answer: They both make pop tarts.

Answer: Bummer, I was trying to give that booty a call... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Answer: He asks his dad, "Pop, why can't I go out in the street and play football and baseball like the other kids?" And his father says, "Keep dealing."

Answer: Ra'men.

Answer: Sex interrupted with a period!

Answer: Because they're paid to.

Answer: chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

Answer: I'm ok with a 5km but really don't like 10km.

Answer: Duck tape!

Answer: God doesn't walk around thinking he's a doctor.

Answer: Because they've always got a stiff in the trunk.

Answer: Their hips.

Answer: Rare.

Answer: Tri-tip.

Answer: She starts to fit into your wife's clothes.

Answer: A synonym roll

Answer: For drizzle.

Answer: Trick question. Nobody invites feminists to a cookout.

Answer: Pink eye

Answer: Hey guys so since couple of weeks I think that my girlfriend is cheating on me. So last night I followed her. She took a cab I took my car and followed her till the cab stopped in front of one nice house. I went beside my car and crouched. She went out and there was this sport dressed bastard which hugged her and they started to kiss... While crouching I saw oil leaking from my car. Do you think this is coming from the filter or from the engine? Thanks

Answer: A condescending con descending.

Answer: All white, all white, all white.

Answer: Persona non grotto

Answer: Deer balls, They're under a buck!

Answer: Maybe he wouldn’t have been so grumpy if people hadn’t left him hanging for high-fives all the time

Answer: Because it would

Answer: Forget it once.

Answer: At the meat ball.

Answer: He got the sack

Answer: Heh, disguised toast.

Answer: A marine biologist.

Answer: A: No, you should just have the turkey!

Answer: Plymouth Rock

Answer: They think on a whole different dimension.

Answer: Because someone's always on the deck!

Answer: "Yes, no, yes, no, yes..."

Answer: Buckle Buckle

Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo.

Answer: The p is silent.

Answer: "He's a fun guy."

Answer: Whore-moans!

Answer: Student - Well, I don't know. I guess one is a bit too high?

Answer: 1forrest1

Answer: It's too square.

Answer: SIDS

Answer: They wrestled over it. Neil had the stronger arm.

Answer: Because if someone hit your peter with a pan, you'd fly too!!

Answer: A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye

Answer: Its missing a fatherboard.

Answer: Maple flakes From my well intentioned girlfriend

Answer: I heard it can seat 10

Answer: cuz i knead you

Answer: Gloves. Just kidding he couldn't open it to find out

Answer: Put a little boogie in it.

Answer: Legs. Spread the word.

Answer: When I rant as much as that people boo me too.

Answer: Because asteroids was already taken.

Answer: They're all girls on fire.

Answer: 15511210043330985984000000.

Answer: By craic-ing his knuckles.

Answer: Nobody can a jolly-good fellow!

Answer: You're getting on my wick.

Answer: Because it was the Finnish line.

Answer: Because OJ will kill you!

Answer: The electoral college in 2016.

Answer: It's sure as hell not a bar-mitzvah, those things are expensive.

Answer: Because m = AIt

Answer: The Juan that got away.

Answer: Because the steaks had never been higher.

Answer: All the cotton on her tampon has been picked off.

Answer: Boil the hell out of it.

Answer: To switch sides

Answer: Damn.